My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
