I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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