Everything about him screamed your future.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
