At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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