I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
