Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
time to smoke my breakfast
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
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