I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
