is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
