please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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