Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think my mom watched the whole time
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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