I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
