I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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