I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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