They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
