The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We talked him into tasing himself.
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Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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