I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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