we have officially lost it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
