this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm like, not good at living.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
