do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
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just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
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I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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