i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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