is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
