he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
