Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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