This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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