He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
