Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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