his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Enjoy the penises
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
