dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
