whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
