I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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