the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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