My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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