she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
