so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
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I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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