one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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