he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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