She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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