so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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