I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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