I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
