As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
