Got a toothbrush?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
