today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
