i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
