Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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