Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
