I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize