look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
