Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
NoShamevember. You game?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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