I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
