im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and she was petting her beer can
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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