you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
is wine microwaveable?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
