bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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