i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
