I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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