she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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