Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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