I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
