Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
