there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
