You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
