wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
