do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
