Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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