This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
