i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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