dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
