Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
