my room smells like sperm. sweet.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
