I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize