after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
They took my balls.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
