my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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