I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
