dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
