just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
