ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
