i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
