His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
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I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
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I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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